I’d like to say that I’ve taken a break from writing lately because I was on vacation, or that I’ve just been too busy to find the time to write, but the truth is that I’ve just been in a lull for the past month. Every time I try to sit down and write, nothing comes out of me. This doesn’t just involve writing, I’ve barely been partaking in my yoga routines, my healthy eating, and just about everything else I typically enjoy.
About a month ago, I began having some stomach issues. Every time I eat something, whether it be big or small, I get bloated and nauseous soon after. Some nights after dinner I get so nauseous it’s all I can think about. Even some mornings after breakfast I’ll get so nauseous that I have to go back to bed and sleep for a few hours. The other night I had half a beer at a show, and that was it for me enjoying my night. I couldn’t focus on anything other than how terrible I felt. I saw my doctor at the beginning of March, and she referred me for an ultrasound, which ultimately came back with nothing. I’m waiting for my next appointment in just over a week to see her because I really can’t take much more of this without an answer. It’s extremely frustrating to deal with.
On top of that, I’ve found myself feeling more depressed lately. I’m constantly in a state of stress, which is something I’m looking forward to dealing with when I go for my mindfulness appointment in May because it’s so unhealthy for me. I’ve just recently stopped seeing my psychiatrist because she felt that she couldn’t do much more for me, which could be why I’m feeling more depressed, and hopefully, it’ll just level out and I’ll be fine. I’ve pretty much felt no enjoyment from anything I like to do in a while now, including Big Brother (and if you know me, you know something’s wrong when I’m not ranting about this show 24/7). I haven’t experienced a depression flare like this in a while, so I’m trying to just let it do its thing and meanwhile giving my mind and my body time to relax.
I’ve found a lot of comfort spending a lot of time with my cat, and my boyfriend. I’m trying to spend most of my time and energy the past month with things and people that bring me even a little bit of joy and comfort, which have helped me a lot. Hopefully, I’ll be out of this lull soon and back to writing every other week or so. Thank you for allowing me to let my brain and my body take the time they need to be better, and I’ll be sure to be back as soon as they allow me to.
Xoxo Steff