As most of you know, 2019 was one of the worst years of my life. I’m not going to get into why anymore, because I’ve realized it’s important to move on and let go in order to allow new experiences, people, and memories into my life.
I’m determined to make 2020 a great year. Or at least a better year, but I’m aiming high and accepting wherever I land. I’ve had some great therapy sessions lately, along with good conversations with close friends, some helpful Instagram posts, and strangely, one Dr. Phil episode that has helped me a lot.
I wanted to write a post about what I’m choosing to do to send 2019 off and start anew, in case this can help anyone else going through a tough time.
I’m not typically a person that lets go of things easily. I’ve been working really hard both in and out of therapy to accept that not everything is my fault, and it’s better to let go of things that hurt me rather than hold onto them and overthink myself to death.
As I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday, I heard a few things that really resonated with me. He was telling a woman who went through similar experiences to me this year that she needed to let go of them TODAY or it’s going to affect her forever.
Just let go. Something that’s usually easier said than done. When I get hurt, it’s not often that I get an apology or even an explanation as to why it happened. I overthink everything and wonder what I possibly could have done to deserve it. It’s unhealthy and I know that, but it’s very hard to drop bad habits.
But as he said, it’s going to affect me forever unless I choose to let go today. I’ve been majorly depressed for the last 6 months and I’m more than ready to begin again and be myself. I miss my regular, goofy self. I’ve been seeing her come out more often lately, and I honestly couldn’t be happier.
Accepting that bad things can happen to me and I will be okay is something I really want to do moving forward. It’s not the end of the world, and I’ll be okay.
So, what am I doing to send off this terrible, awful, no good year? I’ve decided to write out the things that have happened to me, the things that have haunted my year and caused me a lot of hurt and pain.
After I write them out, I’m going to go outside (with tea, hot chocolate, or wine, I haven’t decided which yet) and set fire to the papers. Once they’re burnt, they’re gone. I don’t have to think about them anymore, and I’m ready to move on. I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for a year to end.
I’m so grateful for the good parts of my year. Spending time with Bubby before we lost him, adopting Cora, HU Connexion, and growing closer to my friends. Oh, and therapy. I wouldn’t be here without these good parts of 2019, too.
I wish everyone a happy and (somewhat) healthy New Year.
May 2020 be all you want and more! I love you all!
