We all know what ghosting is. And we’ve more than likely all done it. For those of you who aren’t really sure what ghosting is, it’s essentially going radio silent on someone without warning. It’s cruel and hurtful, and I think it’s time to stop.
In the culture of dating apps, ghosting is incredibly common. You don’t want to answer a question? Ghost. Don’t feel like the person is interesting? Ghost. It’s one thing when you ghost someone you’ve had a few conversations with over text. What I’ve been discovering more recently, though, is that people now ghost whoever they want. This includes close friends and partners. That’s what I really have a problem with.
Now that ghosting has become a regular thing on the internet, I see more and more people doing it. Not just to strangers, but to people they’ve known for years. I don’t think people fully understand what ghosting can do to someone. Especially someone with anxiety, or someone the ghoster is close to.
Recently, I’ve been ghosted by two people I was close to. People I talked to every day, had fun with, joked around with. I suffer a lot from anxiety. I’m going to share how ghosting has affected me because I don’t think it’s fair to leave someone you know well hanging.
Incident 1
Back in the summer, I had asked a close friend to come to a party with me. They agreed but had another gathering to go to first that day. That was fine for me, as my party was at night. As the time of the party grew closer, I kept trying to reach my friend. Calling, texting, no answer. This is when my anxiety kicked into full gear.
Growing up, I was exposed to anger fairly often. Anger then turned into the silent treatment that could last for days. As a child, I always felt like it was my fault, that I had done something wrong. It wasn’t until a recent therapy session that I realized that dealing with that as a child is why I have panic attacks when being ghosted, or given the silent treatment.
I finally got an answer back from my friend. They said they would still go if I wanted them to, and they were heading home. I messaged back immediately and said yes I still wanted to go, and I would go get ready now. I put on a full face of makeup, got dressed, and then called. No answer. This is when I started to lose my sh*t. I kept calling and texting, probably for another full hour.
After an hour of no response, I finally gave up. I took my makeup off, put my pajamas on, and cried for a while. I never heard from my friend again. For a while after the incident, I thought I did something wrong. Did I say something they didn’t like? Is this my fault? Why would someone do this? But now I know it wasn’t my fault. It’s hard not to go straight to that conclusion when someone is ignoring or ghosting you.
Incident 2
I don’t want to go into too much detail about this one because I still am suffering from anxiety from it, but I think it’s important to share.
A little while ago I was broken up with pretty unexpectedly. I had put a lot of effort into bettering myself in the relationship at the time and it was over. Just like that. It happened over the phone. I had left a lot of my belongings at this persons’ house, so I wanted to get them right away just to have them back. When I went over, they were gone. I never heard from them again.
Again, I’m not ashamed of this, I lose my mind a little bit when I get ghosted. I realized about a week later that I had forgotten a few things when I went to get my stuff. I tried to contact this person for weeks about getting it back. Texting, voicemails, messenger, email. Nothing. I wanted my stuff back.
I cried a lot in those weeks. It’s incredibly hard to go from talking to someone one day, to being ghosted the next. I told people “it’s like he broke up with me and then died”. Because really, that’s what it felt like. All I wanted was my stuff back.
I had an incredible amount of anxiety from this. It’s all I could think about. “What did I do wrong?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Am I such an awful person I don’t even deserve a response?” “This is all my fault”. It ate me alive.
My Thoughts
My honest thoughts on ghosting are this: It’s cruel. It’s selfish. It plays with people’s emotions and anxieties. Don’t get me wrong, I have ghosted. As I said, everyone has. But I have never done it to someone that I am close to. I would never do that.
I treat my friends and loved ones with respect, just like how I want to be treated. I always know that there is a way to talk it out and come to a conclusion. There’s no need to ghost someone that you are close to. Show them the respect they deserve and give them an answer. Anything is better than nothing.
I’ve vowed to myself to never ghost someone I know whether it be a new friendship/relationship or an old one. Own your sh*t. There’s no need to act like a child.